dad
1:02 p.m. x 2003-10-23
My dad's birthday would be in 2 days and he would have been 60 years old. That also means that in February, he will have been gone for 5 years.
Technically my dad's birthday would be tomorrow but the doctor didn't get to the house until the next day so he didn't call it til the 25th. My dad used this to his advantage and went out twice for his birthday.
Did you know that years ago, children that were born in the winter were sometimes two weeks old before their birthdate was called and put on a birth certificate, simply because the doctor couldn't get through the snow any sooner? I think that's silly, yet neat, yet a pointless piece of information all at the same time.
Imagine having that happen, and also being Jewish. If you went about it the right way, you could almost have hannakuh twice.
So, back to my dad.
This would have been a special birthday. Maybe he would have flown here or to Illinois and we would have had a nice party for him. Maybe I would have gone to New Mexico to spend a little time with him. Perhaps he would have dropped that cunt he was married to by now and she would have caused him to move back to Illinois.
I know we can't live in the past or constantly think of what would be, but in this case I think I have the right. This is my father. Half of me is him. I started out as one of his sperm and one of my mother's eggs and that is sacred to me.
Beyond that though, my dad was a person. There were a lot of things that happened that caused me to have ill feelings for him but that doesn't matter anymore. Sure, sometimes I still think about it but overall I just wish I still had my dad around to talk with and to hug.
It also makes me appreciate my mom all that much more. Before I lost my dad, I knew it wouldn't be fun to lose a parent but I didn't know just how much it would hurt. Add to that, my mom and I are closer than I was with my dad so I don't make any promises on my mental state after she passes.
With that said, as another anniversary comes along for me to remember my dad, I find it easier to deal with yet I still have a lot of unanswered questions about where we'd be if he was still alive.
I love you, Dad.