Joe
9:20 p.m. x March 03, 2004
I wrote this earlier and had it submitted but it seems to be causing my diary to do really weird things so I'm going to delete that one and just tack it on here.
I miss Joe.
I don't know what makes me think like that. Lonely? Bored? Looking for something familiar and comfortable? I don't really know.
I'm sure it has a lot to do with everything that has happened in the past week, but it also has to do with it being a year since we first met, in just a few short days.
I miss the way he'd be bored, looking off into space and tapping his fingers on the arm of the couch, then suddenly his eyes would light up like a little kid He'd jump up, get all excited, and make a suggestion of something we could go do.... or of something to talk about, depending on what was going on at the time.
I remember having a real shit day for one reason or another once, and taking a nap with my head on his leg. He didn't crack any jokes because of where I was laying, or act like a macho pig. He just watched tv and stroked my hair.
He was so great with the kids. He'd come in and see the frazzled look on my face, and just step in and take them outside to play and give me a break. I never once had to ask him to do anything with them, that I can remember. He just knew.
Then, after the kids went to bed... well.... yeah.
But he didn't pressure me at all until I was ready, and the one time that I almost caved and the kids had opened all the condoms on us beforehand, he was really understanding about it... just laughed it off with me.
The end was just so.... not him. He was so devoted up until shortly before that. His sister even said it wasn't like him. Maybe I should have let it go but I know I would have imagined him getting it on with blondie every time I looked at him from then on. I suppose it's for the best that everything worked out the way it did, but I miss him right now. A lot.