Wish Me Luck
11:37 a.m. x 2002-12-05
I haven't had much in the way of sleep and I'm really cold. I have Ronald's coat on backwards, so its on my arms. Shit, I need to put some weight on.. I can fit into a 4 year old's coat. That's pathetic.
I'm going to go to a counselor tonight for the first time. My appointment is at 6, but I have to be there at 5:45. Its getting pretty bad, folks.. so bad that I was so depressed the other night that I shut myself in my room for 4 hours and the only thought of leaving was to check myself into the 2nd floor at Rockford Memorial. I've been talking it out so it isn't as bad as it was, but I still won't lie and say I like my life. My kids keep me going. That's all I can say, really.
So, anyway, counselor tonight: I have to get out of this slump with the baby I lost and get beyond all that this month signifies and talk it all out and figure out what my problem is, so I can go on to make new memories and happier times out of the month of December, and of the rest of my life.
Then maybe I'll do like normal people do and go get a job instead of hoping nothing happens to cause me not having any more child support.
Its time to get my life together and get everything straightened out.