I don't know what to call this thing
12:39 a.m. x July 29, 2004
I worked today, then stopped by the store, and went to Ronda's. Not a very exciting day by that description, but that's alright.
Ronald's staying the night with Ronda so I have to go get him in the morning. Brittany and Dylan got into trouble before we left though. It was Dylan's idea to write it but Brittany wrote the neighbor boy a letter that said "If you don't give Dylan his walkie talkie back, we're going to kill you." Naturally she got into huge trouble. She didn't mean anything by it but that doesn't mean she should get away with it. Better to learn now than later when she's in jail for it because she thinks it's funny and the law doesn't.
I took a pregnancy test today. On one hand, I had no reason to worry. I was on the pill, had a period, had a bladder infection and a fever that should have stopped ovulation even in the best circumstances, then took Cipro to get rid of it, but not til after I got home and wasn't sexually active anymore. (Antibiotics make the pill less effective, for those that don't know, but I also don't see how an embryo could survive that because Cipro is pretty strong.)
On the other hand, I felt sick (Still do), was super tired all the time (still am), was peeing more than I normally would, had headaches, had food aversions, and uhh... seems like I'm missing something but I can't think of what. I've also been very cranky but I think that has to do with the fact that I had a pepsi 2 days in a row. Anyone with depression related issues knows what caffeine does.
So we sat on pins and needles and today I got up the money to go buy a test. It was negative, just like it was supposed to be. I made John wait on the phone while I took it so I wouldn't have to do it alone, then said "Well babe, we're not pregnant!" The breath of relief coming from him was adorable. I have no doubt in my mind that he'd stick around if I were, it's not that. It's just that this is the worst time possible for us to have a baby. We'd love it no matter what but it's just not the time right now.
The plan is to get married in 3 years, then wait til a couple years after that to start trying. I want to actually try for the baby and I want my husband to be there with me when I take the test so that we can be happy together, we can go out to dinner and celebrate, and whatever else people do when they get good news of that sort.
For me, this relationship goes deeper than just dating someone and eventually marrying them. It's like a second chance at life the way I wanted it to be when I was a little girl, and up to this point it's been as close to perfect as it's going to get. I want us to do it as right as we can.
Anyway, I'm just glad we don't have to worry about that right now. We both have enough to worry about at the moment.