this again?
10:30 p.m. x April 18, 2004
Part of the reason that I'm not crazy about writing online anymore is because certain people seem to get it stuck in their heads that everything someone does or says is meant to revolve around them and is done out of spite toward them.
I didn't publicize my relationship with John because I was scared it would crumble and I'd be left there explaining why again. Unfortunately, bad experiences stick with a person. It had nothing to do with him, just my own fears, and he understands this.
It had nothing to do with lying to a particular person and that wasn't my intention. I kept my private life private until I was certain I was ready to go public with it. If anyone should feel slighted, it's him, because I didn't run right out and brag about it, but he doesn't. He's content with taking it slow and that was a part of it.
As far as the pictures that I had on the end of my roll of film, yes he saw them, and so did about 10 other people. I didn't have decent pictures of myself to show anyone and since I had more film than I needed for Easter pictures, that's what I did - sent my cousin outside with the camera and finished off the roll. I really don't think that's a big deal and I think that's a rather petty thing to be concerned with. By the way, if you'd like to see them, they're here. I mean honestly though, how many pics have I gotten over the years from certain people that were supposedly for me but got sent to Texas or Canada or wherever first? I know that'll get turned around on me as "that was a long time ago and people change" but that seems to be the common excuse when I call certain people on things they're just as guilty of so whatever.
So far, all but one person has been understanding of where I'm coming from. That one person should understand more than any of the rest as to why I didn't want to run right out and brag, considering all the hurt that she, herself, has experienced. She can't honestly tell me that she tells me all of the important stuff right away either, but I'm expected to when I'm not even sure what I'm telling people yet.
I've said my piece. Take it or leave it. I don't have time to act like I'm 12 anymore.