Adoption
1:10 a.m. x July 13, 2004
given a lot of thought to writing this entry. I realize that it could offend someone out there but I'm as entitled to my opinion as anyone else and since this is my diary, I intend to exercise that right.
When I speak of adoption, assume I mean the typical white newborn that was born to someone that may not have had the means, according to someone else, to take care of it so they're coherced into giving it up for adoption. I realize there are other circumstances, and a lot of them, but I'm not going to get into that. I'd be here all night. I understand that some babies truly are not wanted and I also realize that there are people out there that can't have children so they have to adopt to build a family.
What people don't stop to think about is just how many times children are given up for adoption because they're born to young people that are told they can't afford to keep it. This is why so many teenage girls were shipped off to Aunt Martha's for 9 months back in the 1950's. It was shameful to walk around pregnant and unwed. Don't get me wrong.. I'm not saying teen pregnancy is good. I'm not saying that someone should keep a child if they truly can't take care of it.
What I can say is this. When I was 16 years old, I became pregnant. No, it wasn't planned. I considered abortion briefly, but I couldn't do that no matter what. My dad told me I would have to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption if I ever became pregnant, so I moved out and moved in with my then-fetus's father. No, it wasn't easy. At the same time, I can't imagine where I'd be without my child asleep in a room beside me every night. My dad even went so far as to say "If she ever brings that kid over here to babysit, I'll throw it in the fireplace." No, he never did, and yes he apologized when he looked into these eyes.
I was like most people at one time and thought that adoption was pretty cut and dry. The mother doesn't want the child so she gives it up and that's the end of it. That's not the end of it. The biological mother has to live with a hole in her heart for her entire life. Her future children are left wondering about the baby that was there before they were. The adopted child wonders why the mother didn't want him or her, and if not that, then at the very least, wonders what his or her mother and siblings and father are like on a regular basis. The answer to this seemed to be open adoption, at one time. However, can you imagine getting to see your child on a rare occasion and being forced to call yourself Aunt or friend in order to try to keep from offending the parents and losing any hope of knowing how your child is doing. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine what it would be like.. those of you that are parents out there... to come up pregnant under less than ideal circumstances, feel forced by society to give up your child, then walk on egg shells for the rest of your life, hoping to get a glimpse... a letter.. a picture, just to know that your baby, your flesh and blood is okay. Just to try to get a glimpse into those eyes. Imagine wondering what it's like to have a baby you know you could keep if you tried, only to stand there in varied quiet moments and wonder what that child is doing at that second. Don't think it happens like that very often? Then you haven't watched much lifetime lately, I take it.
There's a sign about 2 blocks from my house with a baby, probably 2 months old, and it says "Don't think you'll be a good dad? Someone else out there wants to be one." When did we forget that adoption is supposed to be to give a good home to a child?
And assuming you think you're doing the right thing, you go ahead and give the baby up, go for open adoption, then all of a sudden the parents decide that you're suddenly not worthy anymore and you don't get to see that child, don't get a glimpse, don't get anymore updates, because it's at the sole discretion of the adoptive parents... but you don't even know why.
Nobody has the right to decide who should keep their child (barring special circumstances, such as drug babies) other than the person that's giving birth. The mother. Nobody else.
I see people all the time that have no business being parents, and I know plenty of people that would go through hell to have a baby and can't. My cousin is one of them. She has an 18 year old son and and a 16 year old daughter, both adopted. She loves her children very, very much. She's never done anything to intentionally wrong them, but I have to wonder what the anonymous women that birthed her children are thinking, especially the birth mom of the older one. Now that he's turned 18, is she hoping he'll find her? Did she want to give the baby up or did her alumni parents tell her she had to if she wanted help finishing college? Will anyone ever know?
Here's what I do know. Had I listened to my dad 8 years ago, here's a sample of what I would have missed.
