yet another vent
3:56 p.m. x October 29, 2004
I realize that the van isn't my vehicle in any sense, and I realize I was barred from using it for my own good, but I am so bored. I've either been stuck at home or stuck in the passenger seat for a week and I'm going stir-crazy. I managed to get permission (add a sarcastic woohoo to that) to go to Ronda's alone in it (add another sarcastic woohoo).
Before I did that, I took a bath, put on decent clothes, put on makeup and perfume, brushed my teeth, put on shoes and socks, grabbed my purse, and sat in the rocking chair. I think I got my point across when he asked if I was going somewhere and I said "No, how would I get there? I just felt like getting ready to leave, then sitting here."
I can manipulate people too, fuckhead.
I dunno, maybe I'm being childish here, but I'm annoyed and tired of looking at Ron. It's not that I totally dislike him, even. I'm just sick of staring at him day in, day out. Where we live isn't in walking distance of any stores or anything, so this whole week I've either been stuck here or stuck with him. I was supposed to get the van today to get the kids back and forth to school (we live too close for the bus to come pick them up) but then the job he got didn't end up panning out and they told him not to come back today... because of the court case that would cause him to miss work, I'd assume.
The highlight of these past few days has been chatting with Jessica (and Andy). I get to have decent conversations with intelligence packed in, I don't get hit on, and we share the same views on just about everything. And I get to laugh.
Still though, while I love my Jessica, typing isn't the same as human interaction and feeling a sense of independence by doing simple things like driving to the store. If he hadn't made mistake after mistake there for a while, I'd have the money for a car payment, and I'd still have a car. He promised me he'd buy me a cheap little work car with his 410k money so I'd have a way to get the kids back and forth. He spent over $500 on an ad in the paper for remodeling instead. I can't get the money back for the trailer I was supposed to be getting, and I have to sell it, so that money is useless right now too. Now he's talking about helping me get one at tax time. That's a minimum of 3 months away.
Meanwhile, he spent like 15 minutes on yahoo jobs this morning, and then went and did his internet trolling or whatever he does in those chat rooms, and I kept saying things like "You should apply at Graco." and "You should call Step2 and see if they've looked at your application." and even "I'd like to go put in some applications." but he just nodded and said okay and went back to doing nothing important.
He's seriously pissing me off because not only does he not want to try, he doesn't want to help me try either. We can't live on the deposits on the bills forever, and sitting there saving nude photos to a hard drive won't put food on the table.
Then he wonders why I want to get out of the house and why I'm sick of looking at him.