I love cake
10:42 p.m. x 2003-06-05
So we had the talk tonight. It went extremely well.
He's not ready to get married just yet and anything he's said was in reference to the distant future. He realizes that 2 months is too soon and he figured I knew what he meant.
I told him a lot of stuff about being afraid that I wasn't what he was looking for because of not wanting all the right now, of ever, and he told me I worry too much, but he also has fears of not being what I want because he'd like to think about getting married someday. Long story short, we decided we're at a good place for now and we're not going to try to predict the future.
I also told him that I'm afraid to say it because it seems to scare the other person off, but I do love him, and he said he loves me too.. that he wouldn't hold my feelings against me. He doesn't think that saying it is rushing things because we're taking everything else slowly and he feels it too.
So we're to the 'I love you' point in our relationship, which is pretty cool. I'm still glad it came out in the context that it did though because I don't have to wonder if it is scaring him, and I think he felt the same way.
I explained that I'm not using him for a good time or anything like that, and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with him, but that I don't want to have that much commitment right now because of my past, and he understood. Not that he brought that up, but I wanted it to be said.
I also told him that I don't mean to compare him to anyone else, and I know he's Joe, not another guy, but when you've been burned, you learn certain ways to act (i.e.: mental note to self: don't say I love you first.) and it sticks with you, and he knew what I meant and it was cool.
I told him that, if I chose to get married later on down the road, I'd love to have him as my husband. I made it VERY clear that it isn't anything he's doing wrong, but I'm not ready. (which, like I said, was cool with him.)
I verified all the good things about him.. the things he does that make me happy.. the things that make me love him (still hard to say it).
Its like, I feel it but its hard to admit it to myself at times. Still, I'm not one for hiding my feelings for the most part because I know that someday may be too late.
Like beagle47 said, never buy green bananas because you might not live long enough to eat them.
Anyway, its laid out on the table and it went very well. He was extremely understanding and he didn't take anything I said as something personal.
Its funny. As I type this, That 70's Show is on, and its the episode where Donna tells Eric she loves him and he tells her he loves cake.