I hate Christmas
4:04 p.m. x 2002-12-02
I'm having a hard time with Christmas. I know I've said this before, but it isn't getting easier.
I'm grinning and bearing it for my kids, but looking at the trwee feels like a kick in the gut. It makes me wanna puke and cry and hide in the corner. I know I have serious issues here. I don't have to be told that.
What makes it worse is that its harder this year than any year up to this point, and the reason I don't like Christmas happened 3 years ago. It doesn't help that I can't afford to do what I'd like to for Christmas this year, for my kids. I know it shouldn't be all about the gifts but I want my kids to wake up and have hella gifts under the tree and I just can't afford it. I'm not to the point where I have to call on the salvation army.. I know I can get them a few things.. I just can't do all that I wanted. Maybe I can budget it so it won't be as bad as I expect and maybe I can give them more than I had planned. Who knows.
I just know that the thought of Christmas is really weighing on me. It occupies my thoughts and makes my tummy hurt.
I'd much rather move from the holidays onto my birthday and let that be that.